Forgotten children - losses of children growing up with addicted parents

Background: Nearly 20% of European society reported heavy alcohol consumption in 2019. Based on the statistics, we can only estimate how many children are growing up in families where one or both parents are alcohol dependent. If we add the adults who grew up in such families, 20% of European society is surely covered by what we call "forgotten children".  The aim of the present study is to explore the losses of children growing up in families with addiction, the consequences of growing up with an addicted parent, and the bereavement process following the death of a parent.
Method: In our empirical research, we collected written accounts from Hungarian individuals (21.2% of the population in Hungary is affected by problem drinking) who grew up with addicted parents and at least two years have passed since the death of the parent. A total of 77 written accounts were analysed using qualitative psychological methods.
Results: Parental dependency affects all members of the family, requiring different forms of adjustment on their part, resulting in codependent and parentified behaviour. As a consequence, children's developmental processes are not healthy, they lose their childhood, their identity and their ability to bond securely. Already in childhood they experience two layers of grief; the pain of lost childhood and the loss of a caring parental figure (fantasy parent). These two processes of grief are greatly intensified by the death of the parent, when all hope of the child having the family, they would have liked is lost. These three layers of loss result in a complicated grieving process, which requires first and foremost going through the disenfranchised grieving process of a lost childhood.
Conclusions: After analyzing the reports of "forgotten children", it can be said that they have a specific pattern of experiences that can be aligned with those of children from other dysfunctional families, but special attention should be paid to reaching and helping children from addicted families as early as possible.